The Wrong Way
To Flop A Rubber Chicken
Hi there. I’m Mr. Jax, collector of collectibles. Parents often think they can give their children a rubber chicken without any instruction. How preposterous!
Something as wondrously useless as a rubber chicken should always come with instructions. On this page, we are going to learn several wrong ways to flop a rubber chicken.
There are as many wrong ways to flop a rubber chicken as there are people in the world. And since more and more people are born every hour, there are more and more wrong ways to flop a rubber chicken. And there is nothing worse than a baby with poor rubber chicken flopping technique.
To flop a rubber chicken the wrong way, make sure you hold your beloved rubber bird from its head or its feet. This makes for sloppy flopping. In the fabulous book The Adventures of Erasmus Twiddle, I am shown flopping my rubber chicken by its feet. I do not know what I was thinking. Oh yes I do! I was thinking I’d flop my rubber chicken the wrong way!
To flop a rubber chicken the wrong way, be sure to use your wrist. Keep your wrist very loose. Here is a picture of a loosely held wrist.
To flop your chicken the wrong way, move your flopping arm from the shoulder only. Keep your elbow stiff and your wrist loose. Wow, that’s some bad rubber chicken flopping.
Throw your rubber chicken on the ground. Did it bounce and flop? Who cares? This is a terrible way to flop your rubber chicken. It is also very disrespectful of rubber chickens in general. In fact, this is the most wrong way to flop a rubber chicken that I know. Go ahead. Throw your rubber chicken on the ground. This is what you’re here to learn.
While your rubber chicken is on the ground, step on it. A rubber chicken cannot possibly flop while you are stepping on it. Remember when I said that throwing your rubber chicken on the ground is the most wrong way to flop a rubber chicken? Correction: stepping on your rubber chicken is the worst way to flop it.
These are just a few of the wrong ways you can flop a rubber chicken. I’m sure that you’ll discover many more on your own. And you can tell me all about them, if you wish. E-mail me at Mr.Jax@erasmustwiddle.com
Now learn to flop a rubber chicken the right way.